At the end of may, i had to take in some raccoonbabies,like every year at this time. Four little ones, whos mother was killed by a car. My feelings are always the same. I feel generally sad, but yet really happy, that there are still people, who have there hearts in the right place and bring the babies in to a shelter.

Out of lack of knowledge, raccoons still get poistend, beaten to death or trapped with slings and then the fur worked into hats. And i don't even want to start talking about all those animals who have to leave there lives on the street. My four little ones had some luck. This is where they walk a thin line between life and death. It is utmost important, that the babies geht the right food from the beginning. Saddly, this is not easy, because they are not used to bottles. This usually accuiers alot of patiens and time. After 10 years of doing this i have gained a few tricks, that also helped me this time. Stroking them, for example, always works. I gently stroke their backs from top to bottom. Most of the time they then get really greedy and start drinking immediately. Every raccoon has its own personality. Even now I succeed with this methods. They drank a lot and seemed really joyful, to have a mum again!

If everything goes well, the babies are out of danger after four days and i can sleep again, without having to worry. On the morning of the fifth day, I got jet another phone call. They asked me to fetch four raccoon babies urgently from an animal shelter. For these situation, my husband and I are always prepared. A basket with a towel, a syringe, water and my miriclaecream NUTRICAL. Quickly feed the other four babies and off we go. Every second counts.

The driving distance is far, two hours there and two hours back. Everything has to be thought through. In four hours the babies I had at home needed to be fed. So Quick! When I travel that long, I always travel with the fear, that I won't get there on time, as it has happened a few times before. Or that a carer means really well, and gives them milk. That can mean death for the foundlings. Everything lies in our hands again.

The handing over of the orphaned babies usually goes by without a lot of words: Just a short 'Hi, how are you?' nothing more. I have to say, that in Canada the animal shelters are overflowing and that is why no one has time for the wild animals. Some shelters don't even take in wild animals.

Finally the cardboard box is given to me. As I see the contents, my tears start running down my face. It is a horrible sight: Three completely run-down and emaciated creaturs, which are only about two weeks old. As I picked one of them up, I realised that they have gone without fluids for a long time. With the syringe I give all three of them water drop by drop into the mouth. They can hardly swallow, the pore souls.

'NO' I scream: 'Why didn't anybody give them Water?' The answer: A shrug of the shoulders and astounded, that I am putting on such a show, just because of a few raccoons. Only now do I realize that there are only three. Where is the fourth? ' Oh yeah, I nearly forgot that one' explained the carer briefly. 'It was so weak, so i had to take it away from the others.' She passes me the small cold body over the counter. In that moment my heart nearly stoped beating in shock, I just couldn't breathe.

To this day I cannot understand people, that are so cold and heartless towards animals. I straightaway put the cold body under my T-shirt, to my breast, so he can warm himself and feel my heartbeat. I give him a few drops of water but at the same time I realize that the little guy is on deaths door. My husband takes me by my hand, without saying a word. He has tears in his eyes and i feel, that he is the only person in my life, who understands my feelings. Oh, dear god, please don't let them die, they are so little!

My pledges for the littlest one, on my breast were too late. I feel how the little body once more takes a breath and rears up. In that moment a feeling of sadness and quilt overcame me, I failed. Even my belive in re-birth didn't comfort me. Again a human killer has succeeded in killing a wonderful wild animal. Why? Why can those animals not be left in peace?

We stopped for a bit on the roadside, and embraced each other and cried like children. It hurt so much, and we were so sure, that we could do more for that animal.

I took the three little ones out of the box and gave them some more water. This time they were ready to swallow properly. At least a little light in the dark, and my hopes grew, to help them come through.

We arrived at home, and felt paralyzed. My husband straightaway fed the other four. They were fine and very hungry. In the mean time I prepared bottles with puppy-milk and started to rub the back of the first raccoon, until he started purring and then I could give him the bottle. He was reluctant at the beginning, but after my fifth try he was suckling greedily. I had to take care, that he didn't drink too much. All three had some food and then fell asleep peacefully. We were very happy that everything was going well.

All seven kids were sleeping peacefully and we gave ourselves a few minutes break at the lake. The evening sun sparkled on the water. Everything was so peaceful but yet nothing could make us really happy. We buried our raccoonbaby next to the small pond under a wild cherry tree. We wished him a nice re-birth and apologized for the humans, who are without heart and love. Then they don't know what they are doing!

This Sunday it wasn't to be over! We started feeding again. The first four drank fast and greedily. My husband cared mostly for the cleanliness of the basket. Filling up hot water bottles is important. The small ones get cold very fast and then they might suffer from diarrhoea.

Now to my three problem children. As I picked them up, I felt straightaway that something was not right. Everything was covered in a watery, light brown liquid.

They have diarrhoea! It was Sunday. The veterinary praxis were closed. Then i remembered a woman, who worked for a Vet. I called her and got the privatenumber of the Vet. I could of saved myself that call. I explained the symptoms of the illness, and all she said was that I couldn't do anymore then feed the animals every four hours. I begged er, to give me some sort of medicine. But all she said was, except for heat and liquid, there is nothing that would help raccoons. In that night my husband and I slept in the livingroom, surrounded by screaming babies.

In that night all three of them dies, even though we did everything we could possible do. We reached the end of our tether. The incident, seemd to break my heart and I couldn't think straight anymore.

At 6 am I woke up on the sofa and heard of my four little ones the first cries. It was time to feed them. It was time to feed them. I prepared the milk and opend teh basket. A new scene of horror: the smallest was laying dead next to its siblings. My loud screams and crying woke my husband up. As he finally got up, I was still holding the dead baby. I had no nerves left. I could not understand the world anymore. For many years everything was going so well. And now I didn't know, what I should do. I was at the end. I kept saying to myself 'No, I can't do this anymore.'

So much pain, why is nobody helping us?

The three other raccoon orphans survived. I watched them like a treasure. Actually I never wanted to take in and care for baby animals again. But to date there have been many more.

In that year we became many more raccoon babies, groundhogs and other animals. We love them all, as if they were family. After all what has happened I have to watch myself, that I don't start hating those people, who harm and pain animals. It is really hard for me to accept them. Since then I also know, what a fantastic husband I have at my side. Without him it would have never been possible, to give so many animals a home. Still, it would be nice, if there were more people out there that want to support us. Sadly I haven't yet found anybody here, that loves animals so much, that he would do something for them.

This story is dedicated to my little bears, which unfortunately i could not save! My saddnes over the suffering of the animals will give me the power to carry on fighting.